This a question I get very often when speaking on dating and one that recently landed again in my inbox. And obviously Christian Connection has many answers to this question and a good practical guide to help you navigate the process. But from my background and expertise as a psychologist counselling single people, I can add a few thoughts to this.
There’s no denying that a trip to the cinema to see the latest sweeping romantic drama makes for great entertainment. And a night in on the sofa with popcorn and a romcom is a whole lot of fun. But do the scenarios, characters – and perhaps most importantly – outcomes in these films represent real life? How – and why – is dating different to the manner in which it’s portrayed in a lot of fiction?
“Please only contact me if you live within striking distance of my home city,” I wrote on my dating profile. I’d decided I wasn’t suited to long-distance relationships, and I wanted to weed out anyone who didn’t live reasonably close. It didn’t work – I still heard from people across the pond and beyond, who thought a few thousand miles was nothing between friends and “a flight to the UK is a small price to pay to find out if you’re the one”. Maybe they were right… maybe not.
Dating can be amazing, but it can also be confusing too. While some men are happy to ask for help and talk about the difficulties, some aren’t. But I do think there are 3 principles we can follow, (no matter what our gender is,) to help us date better. Namely: 1. We Don’t Need To Be Perfect, 2. Control Doesn't Work, and 3. Everyone Needs To Learn This Stuff.
The ability to search based on age and even limit who can contact you based on age, is important to online daters. So much so, these are some of the most requested site features. This is a hot topic and ripe for discussion.
Last week, when I was teaching on Dare to Date again, this question was written down for me. And as I look at the question now, the answer seems so simple. Yet when it’s asked, there’s always a background to it. There’s always someone asking the question thinking: ‘really? Can I really do that?’ Or thinking of the time it backfired to do such a thing. Or thinking about friends really condemning them for asking a guy out. Or thinking of guy friends telling them: ‘It’s such a turn off when women ask you out on a date’.
There are a number of topics and life choices that commonly influence whether daters deem other daters to be a suitable potential spouse. For some, these deal-breakers - or showstoppers - are personal or even completely unique. At first, you might think you don’t have any... Until you begin dating and realise that there are in fact some areas in which you just can’t, or won’t compromise.
‘I feel God has called me to a specific ministry in the future,’ said the Facebook post. ‘But my girlfriend says it’s not something she’s called to. I love her and want to marry her, but I’ve always imagined myself and my future wife working together for the Lord. Should I break up with her and look for someone who shares my calling?’
The journey of online dating is unique to each individual and couple: everyone has different experiences in terms of timing, something that’s true not only in this scenario, but in life in general. Many singles start out with high hopes of quick results, but can become despondent after a while and even give up after a series of unsuccessful dates, or time spent searching. But the key is perseverance, so whatever stage you’re at right now, don’t lose heart. Here are some of the reasons why it's important to keep going.
"I just knew she was the one for me." "I knew the first time we met that we'd get married." "It was love at first sight." It must be wonderful to feel so certain about one of life's biggest decisions. But what if you never feel sure? What if no potential partner feels entirely right?